What's your "WHY"?

Hola Mamacitas!

I'm fresh off a trip home to New York where the manfriend and I spent a few days with my family. I got a lot packed into a few days! I went up to help my cousin launch her Rodan + Fields business last Thursday and stayed until Sunday afternoon. While we were there I put on a presentation for my cousin, hung out with my dad, stepmom and brothers... celebrated my mom's birthday a few days early, celebrated my grandmother's 90th birthday, ate too much, hosted an R+F brunch at my SIL's house and busted my ever-loving ass to qualify for and win a R+F leadership trip/vacation to a resort in June.

I know that I just mentioned Rodan + Fields 3 times in the previous paragraph, but stay with me (because that isn't even the most annoying part). The most annoying part is still ahead.

As many of you know, I decided this past summer to start my own Rodan + Fields business. It's not something I ever saw myself doing, but it has turned into one of the best parts of my life (FO REAL). As part of leadership training I am going through, I was asked to really dig into my "WHY".

Your "WHY" is basically the reason why you would join a direct sales company, run the risk that people are going to talk shit about you, run the risk that you'll "fail", put one more commitment of time, energy and money on your plate AND commit to learning an entirely new business? What is going to make you work when you don't want to? What is going to make you get up when you fall? Go the exta mile when you are tired, disheartened, nervous, scared, etc?

Doing that "assignment"... writing out my try "WHY" was pretty friggin eye opening for me. It's a bit personal (obviously) but I am sharing because it made me realize that I have a reason to work really hard and do more than I ever thought I was capable of... and once I got to the heart of those reasons, they inspired the shit out of me. Maybe your "WHY" has nothing to do with working a business, but if you have ever desired to do, have, or experience "more", then you have to figure out what the hell is going to inspire you to work to get it. We all know that coasting (and bitching about being unhappy) is actually a hell of a lot easier than doing the trench work that is involved in changing.

My WHY:

I keep inspirational quotes all around me; written on sticky notes by my nightstand, on my bathroom mirror, on my refrigerator, and pinned to a cork board at my office. They say things like:

• “Life is not about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself.”
• “It’s never too late to live the life you have imagined.”
• “Self-made or never made.”
• “What is it that you plan to do with your one, precious life?”

WHY*
I keep these phrases within view so that I am constantly reminded to live. Truly live. To be brave, to take chances, and to focus on what is important to me.

WHY*
In 2011 I got spinal meningitis during the only 6-month period of my life that I was uninsured. I was acting as a consultant with my current company and I got sick. Really sick. I have never in my life been in that much pain. I was taken to Urgent Care, a stand alone ER, then rushed in an ambulance to the hospital. My manfriend held me up as a doctor gave me a spinal tap and there I stayed, in the hospital, for a while. Drugs, tests, scans, etc. My "manfriend" had to call my family and tell them that the doctors were saying I may not make it and that they may not be able to make the trip from NY to NC in time to see me before I died. It was terrifying. When the entire ordeal was over I was out of work for over a month and over $54,500 in medical debt. 

I make a good living from my corporate job but it has not been enough to get me out of this crushing debt.  Being in debt is an incredibly heavy weight to carry and it limits the choices you have in life so I needed to get out from under it. (I spent 4 years trying to get out of it organically... by going to work, saving money and paying it down every month and I was only half way through it.)

WHY*  
Ever since I got sick I am incredibly sensitive to wasting my life. I do not want to wake up one day and realize that I did what I was "supposed" to do but not what I wanted to do. I want to create an exciting like. One that gives me the opportunity to help other men and women have a chance to live on their own terms. One that gives me security in knowing that I am taken care of. One that allows me to see the world. Give back. One that allows me to do things for the man I love. One that makes my parents, my brothers and extended family proud of me. 

WHY*
Because I am the daughter of teenage parents. My mom and dad split when I was 2 but I grew up watching both of them work all of the time. My mom would work days, evenings, nights, holidays, weekends, etc. She was always working. My dad had different jobs. He is a hustler; always working a day job and then coming home at night and working on a side gig. Ever since I was a small child I have been aware of money. It made me anxious, nervous, terrified. Talking about it gave me a stomach ache. I have vivid memories of coming into the kitchen in the middle of the night and my mother sobbing over a pile of unpaid bills. If we keep the lights on this month we may be without a phone for a while. I'm not saying we had it worse than everyone else, I am just saying that money was ALWAYS a source of anxiety. Also... I have always felt like I wanted to prove people wrong. When kids get pregnant at 15 and 17 most people don't have high hopes for them or their baby. I wanted to be the exception to the rule, but part of me wondered, "who am I to live a life of adventure and abundance"??? I should be content with "enough" and at least that way I wouldn't run the risk of publically failing at anything. 

I have since decided to give ZERO fuks about "publicly failing" and THAT decision has made all the difference. 

Authenticity, a genuine desire for all women to feel confident and beautiful, and opportunity...that is what Rodan and Fields represents to me. That is what I will share. My hope is to spread the word so far and wide that eventually I can work on my own terms, run my R+F business, teach Pilates, travel the world with the man I love and live a life I am proud of. One that is a little non-conventional requires a bit of bravery and leaves me with no regrets. 

If you've ever wanted something really badly but not been able to accomplish it, maybe it's in part due to the fact that you have never peeled back all of the emotional layers of the excuses you're making and dug down, deep for your "WHY"? Putting mine on paper and out into the universe has helped motivate me. Maybe it will help you too??

What's your "WHY"?