Enough

Sweater: Vestique, Skirt and Belt:  Target, Shoes: Nordstrom, Bag: CHLOÉ,

I've been thinking about something for a few days.

If you think back on your life, when do you remember first being unhappy with some part of yourself?

Really. Think about it.

I'm almost ashamed to admit how young I was. In kindergarten. So... 5 years old. Maybe even earlier than that.

What about you? Did you want to change your nose, hair, body type, sexual preference? Perhaps you saw people that seemed to be good "at everything" and you wished you were a better reader, more skilled at math, a faster runner. Maybe you wished you were thinner, or curvier, taller, shorter, had straight teeth, nicer clothes?

Now that you're older do you wish you had a better car, bigger house, marble countertops, more vacations, less debt, a more attractive partner? Kids who are stronger athletes, a nicer lawn, bigger boobs, smaller belly, made more money, had a baby, a second baby, were at the top of your company, had a PHD, new floors, white kitchen cabinets, an addition on your house, or lived in a nicer neighborhood? Maybe you wish you could stay home with your kids, wish you could get away from your kids and work outside of the home, wish you had never had kids (no one admits that but it's real)? Want to quit your job? Wished your spouse made more money? Wish for a man? A woman?  Or.... maybe you still wish for  the things you wanted when you were young... clearer skin, more manageable hair, a flatter tummy,  and newer clothes?

Is your happiness on the other side of something you don't have?

I'll be happy once I lose 20lbs.
Once I get pregnant.
Once I make more money.
Once my kids are older.
Once I get my pre-baby "body back".
Once my partner works less.
Once I relocate.

Now don't get me wrong. I am all for growth, evolution, and change. For squeezing all you can out of this one precious life we are given. I love to strive, to achieve. I get it.

However... the desire to always change, do more, be more, have more, for your circumstances to be different... it can be exhausting. It can push you into a place where your happiness is always on the other side of something just out of your current reach. It can make you take for granted the life you have. It can make you downright depressed and miserable. 

I had a deep conversation with a friend of mine this weekend. She is a beautiful woman. Inside and out. She has a loving husband, gorgeous home, luxury car, and a successful career (with an insanely bright future). She is in shape, has great hair, and on the outside... pretty much has it all. She is human though, and a person who (admittedly) ties her worth to the things she is achieving. She's had a crazy year. Almost every major change that can happen in a person's life has gone down in hers. She has moved to a different state, a new house, and works for a different company. She's making decisions about her future, family, career, etc. Her husband is high-achieving too. She was just saying that she feels "BLAH". And I get it. We all feel "BLAH" sometimes. Depressed, anxious, not "enough".

The conversation I had with my friend stuck with me and the very next day I read this quote. It hit me like a TON of bricks...

"Can you imagine not craving to be any different than you are right now?"

WHOA.

WHOA.

WHOAAAAAAAAA.

Can you imagine not craving to be any different than you are right now?

Can you imagine that? That gratitude. That appreciation for all you have? All that you are. Not thinking about what you "aren't". What you don't have. What other people have. What you want out of your future. It may just be the tiny slice of peace you're yearning for. Especially this time of year when there is pressure to decorate, buy things, have things, bake, give, donate, host, and fulfill other's wishes.

What if you're enough.
Exactly as you are.
With all of the things you do or don't do.
Have or have not.
Can or cannot afford.
Are or are not. 

Just.... enough.

MULTIPOTENTIALITE

Skirt and Shirt: Vestique, Shoes: ADIDAS, Bag: Chloe, Necklace: Alex + Ani

I wanted to write today about potential.
I wanted to remind someone out there (or maybe just myself) that if you want... you can do "all of the things".

Maybe not all at once, and maybe not every day. Maybe you won't be the best who has ever done it. Maybe what you decide to do today, or who you decide to be, or what you decide to try, is not what you will want to do/be/ try tomorrow, but... YOU HAVE OPTIONS.

There are some people who, from the time they are born, know EXACTLY what they want to be. They were given a gift, like, Serena Williams. That woman was BORN to play tennis. She has a God-given gift. She took that gift and worked harder than anyone else around her, and she made it to the top. Some people just know.

Those people, the ones who just know... they have a single field of interest and run like hell with it forever and ever. Those are called "specialists". The rest of us, the vast majority of us, try things on at different points in our life. We "wear different hats" and then take them off when they no longer serve us.

When you decide a college major at 18-20 years old what do you really know? You're placing a bet on the fact that what you are interested in at 18, you'll still want to do when you are 59. What are the odds of that? Slim at best. Or... how many of us stick to a decision we made a long time ago because we think we must? Or are embarrassed to be seen changing our minds? Or are afraid of letting people down? Afraid of being seen as fickle.

We have heard people described as "Jacks/Janes of all trades, masters of none" and that's usually said in a derogatory manner. As if you can't be good at something unless it is your single, solitary focus.

I disagree. Maybe you won't be Serena Williams, but does that mean you should not play tennis on the weekends? Hell no it doesn't. Play tennis, be a certified public accountant, parent of 3, stamp collector, comic book illustrator, and learn a second language while you are at it.

You are a human being with a ridiculous, miraculous, brain and you are capable of SO MUCH that is is mind-blowing!

Please allow me to remind you you that LIFE.IS.SO.SHORT and NONE of us make it out alive. So... you should explore things that you are interested in. Be a beginner. Try things on for size. Fail. Fall. Rise. Then do it all over again.

Where has all of this come from? Well... I have been gossiped about, and it has gotten back to me. Something was said that was similar to...

"What is she anyway? Is she a recruiter? Is she a Pilates teacher? Does she still have her Rodan + Fields business? Is she a blogger? I saw her post something about hair. Does she sell hair care? Does she take pictures? Is she an artist now???? She is confusing her audience and muddying up her brand."

WHAT????

I probably don't have to clarify this, but that previous statement was said with venom. It was said with disdain. It was said with anger. It was not said with any genuine concern for my well-being.

When it first got back to me I was taken-a-back. A little bit hurt (if I'm being honest). And wondered, for a split second, if I should be embarrassed?? Then.... it hit me. UMMM...

NO. AbsolutelyFKNNOT.

This was said by someone who who is "not my people". Plain and simple. My people are people who are loving, supportive, open, full of interests and experiences, and most of them are MULTIPOTENTIALITES. Never heard that term before? Allow me to introduce Wikipedia:

Multipotentiality is an educational and psychological term referring to the ability and preference of a person, particularly one of strong intellectual or artistic curiosity, to excel in two or more different fields. It can also refer to an individual whose interests span multiple fields or areas, rather than being strong in just one. By contrast, those whose interests lie mostly within a single field are called "specialists."

Neither (multipotentialite nor specialist) is better or worse, but they can't be judged the same. They are apples and oranges.

I've noticed that sometimes people with a singular area of focus tend to judge those who have many. Especially if you are doing what they are doing (and then some). The person who was shit-talking about me does one of the things I do. It's her life. It's her job. She is very concerned with curating her image on social media. She sells to people online. That is where we differ. I use social media to share what I am doing, what I am interested in, what I like, what I use, and to keep an album of memories that I want to hold on to. If you like it, comment on it, buy it, support it, cool.

Truth: I don't give a shit if I am "muddying up my brand" because the people who are attracted to me (whether that be as friends, business partners, or Pilates students) are drawn to me, for me. And all of those things are authentically me. If I do have a brand I would argue that it is not muddy at all.

It is about self-love. Mind. Body. Spirit. It is about creativity and self-care. The inside and out.
The End.

If I confuse you. If I bother you. If I "make your head spin". Take a seat (somewhere else, please). You do not have to follow me, you do not have to support me, you do not have to understand me, you do not have to "get it", and LAWD KNOWS you do not have to like it (or me). It has taken me 38.5 years to really feel that in my bones, but I do now.

So... if there is ANYONE out there afraid to change, afraid to evolve, afraid to grow, to shed dead weight, to take the road less traveled, to share something new. Don't be. DO IT. PLEASE, DO IT.

The world needs more people who have truly COME ALIVE. Less perfectly curated images of perfection and more clumsy attempts at happiness and fulfillment. You are not one thing and neither and I. And the beauty of being talked shit about (because it is inevitable as you grow) is that people who are not your people will eventually just weed themselves out. It's cool. You'll survive.

I AM MANY, MANY THINGS and (I'd be willing to bet) SO ARE YOU.

Public Indecency

Romper: Vestique, Shoes: F21, Clutch: CRIV, Bracelets: Alex + Ani, Earrings: Versona

I wore this cut-out romper to dinner and drinks with some girlfriends recently.

I originally bought it and wore it for my 35th birthday, 3 1/2 years ago, and just wore it again for the first time. I love me a romper, man. One piece of clothing, and BOOM... you're dressed from head to toe. No coordinating, no tucking in, no hassle. You can eat and drink to your heart's desire in this one because there is no waistband. It's all good. That is... until you have to pee in public.

Then.... buck ass nakedness occurs.

Normally this nakedness occurs in some scummy bathroom stall. The kind with a gap between the door and the wall so if someone looks just right they are staring right back at you in all of your crouching vulnerability. Top off, bottoms down. Full frontal.

There is SO much going on in there. You're concentrating on squatting, lining the seat, balancing your clutch/purse under your armpit, creating enough distance between your legs to "catch" and hold the article of clothing before it falls into a puddle at your ankles (laying on the disgusting, sticky, floor).

Going to the bathroom in a romper should be an Olympic sport. It is an art. It takes time, patience, balance, athleticism, and an unhealthy dedication to the cause. I don't know why I wear them so often. They are dangerous for me. I'm serious. I'm clumsy as shit. I mean... I have great core strength and balance from teaching Pilates, but I trip. I fall. I drop things. I'm a mess on two legs. For real. My husband pokes fun at me all of the time. I am the type of person that will try to get a glass bowl off of the top shelf by climing onto the counter to reach for it. I'll get it, then I'll drop it. Shatter it. Then I will half fall off the counter type-shit. I should walk around with caution tape streaming from my shoulders.

True story, last week, in THE.SAME.DAY I....

• Stubbed my toe to the point of losing my breath whilst making our bed. 
• Slipped on a puddle of dog pee in the hallway. Foot covered in it. 
• Spilled an enormous bottle of water off of the end table on to the floor. 
• Forgot to bring my towel to the shower, got out, tip-toeing, dripping wet, to make it back into the shower safely- only to then smash my hand into the shower door. I was apparently drying my back quite aggressively, let go of the towel, and my hand flung (at warp-speed) against the shower glass. There was blood. Hurt like hell. 
• Cut my other hand with a knife making dinner. 
• Tripped over my phone charger cord TWO TIMES sending my phone crashing from the counter to the hardwood floors. 

That's a typical day in the life for me.

I shouldn't be allowed to leave the house unsupervised, let alone wear an article of clothing that requires the utilization of such fine motor skills. 

Rise Up

Dress: Vestique, Shoes: Jessica Simpson, Purse: Aldo, Ring: Levian, Earrings and Necklace: Kendra Scott

I saw this post on Instagram early this morning and I took a screenshot of it to save to my phone.

Perhaps it's nothing earth-shattering, and I am sure you've heard some version of it before, but I thought it was beautiful and powerful, and a reminder worth sharing.

Here's the quote:

"You can rise up from anything. You can completely recreate yourself. Nothing is permanent. You're not stuck. You have choices. You can think new thoughts. You can learn something new. You can create new habits. All that matters today is that you decide and never look back. "

I must have read that four times.
I repeated it like an affirmation.
A mantra.
I wanted to let that shit sink in.
Marinate.
Become part of my insides. 

"You can rise up from anything." 

That is SO INCREDIBLY ENCOURAGING. Right?? I mean... how many times has life kicked you in the face? How many times has your heart been broken, you've been scared, you've experienced something that you thought you could never come back from, but HOT DAMN... here you are. I just love it.
"You can rise up from anything." YASSSS HUNTY. YES YOU CAN.

"You can completely recreate yourself." 

SHIT YES. I love when people evolve and change. When they get interested in new things, DO new things, TALK about new things, TRY new things, LEARN new things, SHARE new things. Drop dead things, plant new. Those are my favorite people. They are so interesting. It doesn't have to be anything big, even. But, I would never want to look back on a decade of my life and realized that I had not brought anything new into it. THAT is like being dead while you are still alive. AMIRIGHT?!?

"You have choices. You can think new thoughts." 
Some situations that we get ourselves into, or that happen "to us" make us feel as if we don't have any choice in the matter. You get sick? Well, hell, you can't usually choose NOT to be sick. You get dumped. You can't necessarily "choose" not to be single. You get passed over for a job, etc, etc. Making a new choice doesn't magically make the reality change... BUT... "You can think new thoughts." THAT IS THE GOLDEN TICKET, MAN!!!!

Think new thoughts. Instead of scarcity and lack... shift to thoughts of abundance, opportunity, openness. Remind yourself that things never make sense until we look back on them. Being broke is hard, being lonely, sad, heartbroken, shaken to your core by a catastrophic life event... all HARD AF! However... there is SO much power in framing and controlling your own thoughts. I'm not trying to make it sound easy, but what if... before you opened your mouth up to complain (or bitch) about something you simply reframed it? Instead of saying "I'm so lonely. I hate being single. " try "I feel incredibly fortunate to have time to develop who I am becoming so I can then attract someone who compliments my very best self." I know that might sound hippy-dippy, but there is real power in that shit. Your thoughts control your life. What you say to yourself and others shapes your reality. It's worth trying to change the thoughts in your head and the words that leave your mouth.

"You can create new habits." 
Thank GAWD for this. Breaking old habits is SO difficult, but it is not impossible. Do you still smoke? For the love of all things holy... maybe you should work REALLY HARD on quitting. News flash: That shit will kill you, and normally it's not quick and painless. Do you eat like shit and then feel bad about it, telling yourself you will "start Monday"? Take a good, hard, raw AF, vulnerable look at WHY???? I know food is good. I love it. Like... a lot. You don't like food more than anyone else. I promise.  I am obsessed. A foodie to my absolute CORE and I battle with it - because it's always been there for me and I loooove it.  BUT.... I know that NORMALLY we don't feed ourselves to the point of obesity because food tastes good. We are usually feeding fear, loneliness, pain, trauma, bordem, anxiety, or some old shit that we have not worked through.  Create a new habit, man. 

Imagine the life you want to live and get really honest about what kind of choices THAT person would make. Then... start, little by little, or like a bulldozer... (I'm a steam engine kind of woman)... start working on them. You KNOW what to do. You know HOW to get there. You just need new habits.

Start now, because as we all know... that proverbial "MONDAY" never comes.

**Also... post-script disclaimer: I do not fancy myself some sort of life guru who has it all figured out. If you haven't noticed by now, in most of these blog posts I'm simply writing out what I need to hear. **

So... one more time. Let it sink in:

"You can rise up from anything. You can completely recreate yourself. Nothing is permanent. You're not stuck. You have choices. You can think new thoughts. You can learn something new. You can create new habits. All that matters today is that you decide and never look back. "

XO - Mel

Water in Windex

Outfit: CRIV, Shoes: Nordstrom, Clutch: gift, Earrings: no idea- 10 years old

I am a walking, talking contradiction when it comes to money.

For example... I  am weirdly frugal about some things, then wildly frivolous about others.

It pains me to spend money on groceries. I shop at Aldi for most things and look at every price, check out how many ounces something is then compare the price per ounce. I hate buying brand name household products when the generic is the same exact thing. Bathing suit season, gimme all the 12 dollar tops. I would NEVER spend a bunch of money on a swimsuit. Memberships to expensive gyms? Pushups and sit ups in my bonus room are what I'm doing instead. I just bought new under garments because they were on MAJOR sale, and realized that the last time I had done that was EASILY 8 or more years ago (don't judge me, I wash on the delicate cycle and hang to dry - they last me a long time). Putting gas in my car? I will drive to the cheapest station (South Carolina versus North Carolina) then straight up experience buyer's remorse over having a car that requires premium grade fuel. If I buy a bottle of water I will refill that bottle for at least two weeks before recycling it. I'll put everything I need in my cart whilst shopping online, and if the store dares to charge me shipping - FOR.GET about it. I can't do it. I won't. Empty cart. Log off. I buy super affordable every day clothing (ie: yoga pants, tank tops, jeans, flip flops, etc.) and I'll wear a pair of sneakers until they are riddled with holes them. I have definitely super-glued the soles of my sneakers back on before. And by "before" I mean very recently.  At 38 years old.

But then...

I'll turn around and buy this tie-top, cropped pant, two-piece outfit plastered in palm trees leaves (2 years ago) with no place to wear it, before it even fit me right. This was too tight to wear comfortably when I bought it but I bought it anyway because I loved it (and you know, someday it miiiiight fit). I definitely spent 3 weeks worth of groceries on this outfit and gave zero FKs about doing so. Then, there it sat. Waiting for me to fit into it. Waiting for me to remove the tags. I do that with clothing more than I'd care to admit. I'll buy something so ridiculous, with no where to wear it just because I love it. I honestly, I want to create the kind of life for myself that requires ridiculous clothing.
My best friend and I went to Mexico in April and I had to buy NOTHING before going. I have FAR more clothing items suitable for a colorful, pom-pom, palm tree, flowy, strappy, cropped top vacation week than I do clothes to go get lunch in on a Saturday afternoon. Right now, there is a dress hanging in my closet that would only be suitable if I were a wedding guest at a wedding held in the Caribbean. How many upcoming destination weddings in the Caribbean am I attending you ask? None. Zero. However... if I get invited to one. I AM READY. Dressing for lunch on a Sunday stresses me out, but packing for Vegas?? Easy. I have sequins in every color and more short skirts than socks that match.

I spent $12,000 on a breast reduction and then got pissed that none of my old bras fit me and I had to buy new ones. What an asshole.
In the grocery store, I buy $9.00 bottles of wine (and scoff at ones that get even close to $12.00). Then I go out to dinner and don't bat an eye at a 4 ounce glass that runs $14.00.
I'll spend $90 on a canvas to paint on, then add water to extend the life of the Windex  in the bottle I use to wipe up the paint that splattered off of said canvas on to the floor.

And honestly, I'm okay with all of this. I save on every day things and splurge on fan-fking-tastic things. Am I alone?

Is there anything that you are ridiculously contradictory about??

FREAKUM DRESS

Dress and Shoes: CRIV, Purse and Earrings: Versona, Watch: Michele

My husband and I both fight the mid-week blues.

The monotony of the work week... getting up with the alarm, going to work, managing stress, coming home to fold laundry, do the dishes, mow the lawn, pay the bills, trying to get to sleep before midnight, getting up and doing it all over again... it starts to feel like a hamster wheel. You're running your ass off but the scenery stays the same.

And... before you judge... I know. We are adults. Staying in for 3 nights in a row should not make us go stir crazy, but it does. So...we try to get out of the house and do something. Anything.

The weeks that we manage to work in a Wednesday "date night" we normally just run out in our gym clothes (my hair in a 4-day dirty top knot / no make-up) to get something to eat. That is my uniform 85-90% of the time. Yoga pants, tank top, sports bra, sneakers, zero make-up, and a filthy bun. That look works for me. It works for my workouts, my Pilates classes, painting, cleaning the house, running errands. It's a look I am REALLY comfortable with. It's easy. It is NOT however a look that makes me feel especially attractive or desirable. I do not strut, shoulders back, head held high in Nike's the same way I do in heels.

I appreciate (THE FK OUT OF) the fact that I married a man who does not have shitty, unrealistic expectations of me. He loves me in yoga pants and loves me in heels, BUT... every so often it's nice to step it up a notch.

I get dressed for things. You know... events, weekends with friends, concerts, etc. But I RARELY just get dressed up for MYSELF, for my dude. I tend to think that an hour's worth of effort is "too much" for just grabbing something to eat on a Wednesday night. Last night, though, I decided to switch it up. I decided to BRING.IT. I got dressed. Last night I ditched my go-to uniform and pulled the tag off a dress that I bought 3 years ago.

Why have I had this dress for 3 years and never worn it, you ask? Because it's FKNG terrifying that's why. If you hadn't noticed, it is white. All white. Bright white. Not ivory, not off white, WHITE WHITE. I'm a slob. I will wipe my brow, get bronzer all over my fingertips and then, w/o thinking, pull my skirt down. I will drink red wine and miss my mouth. I spill things. I'm clumsy. I am not being self-deprecating. I'm being honest.

Also... cellulite. My right butt cheek has dimples in it and they are not going anywhere. I work out, I eat well, and I have cellulite. (Also, I'm not saying that my left cheek doesn't also have dimples, but they are WAY more prominent on my right cheek.) And, I don't do Spanx or shapewear. I tried wearing Spanx to a wedding once, they were so uncomfortable that I was having a bad time. I went to the bathroom and took those suckers off. I then looked down at my tiny little clutch purse, realized I had NO place to stuff them, and decided to toss 'em. In the bathroom of the reception area. I tossed a $50 pair of Spanx. BUT... I then proceeded to dance the rest of the night with my low belly and ass dimples free and on full display and had a great time.

Last night, I wore the dress I was scared of. Ass dimples and all. I made sure I washed my hands before putting it on and pulling it down and I was careful at dinner (skipped the red wine just in case).

When I walked into the restaurant to meet my husband he looked at me and said "Damn babe, you look great - that's a hot dress". BOOM. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. I felt good. Well... I felt like a greased goose actually, It was hot AF, raining, muggy, and the oil moisturizer I put on my arms and legs to make them all seductively shiny was melting off of me at record speed. My deodorant was LONG gone, and the back of my neck and upper lip were sweaty. BUT.... he noticed none of that. I sat, shoulders back and upright (probably more from fear of belly rolls in an ALL white dress than the confidence that came from his compliment - but I'd like to think it was a mixture of both). We had a great time.

Also... Mother Nature was smiling down on me letting me have my moment. She minded her own business until we got home. Then... BOOM... I got my period. HA. Life, man. The white dress was not harmed, the cramps stayed at bay, and date night was salvaged.

I say all of this to say... in the words of Beyonce...

Ladies look it here
When you been with your man for a long time
Every now and then you gotta go in the back of that closet
And pull out that freakum dress