The Single Most Terrifying Dress I Have Ever Worn...
Let's discuss things that scare the shit out of me, shall we?
1. High Slits
2. REALLY low-cut necklines
3. Cap sleeves
Now... let's discuss this dress.... high slit... really low cut neckline... and cap sleeves. KILL ME NOW.
THIS is what happens when you let (for maybe the first time EVER) your Manfriend choose what you are going to wear. I have NEVAH-EVAH worn this dress. Why? Because it terrifies me, that's why. High slits make me nervous. Think about it... you FEEL like you are wearing a long dress, so you sit, get out of a car, and walk as if you are covered...BUT... juuuuust kidding. BAM! Crotch Shot... and now you're lumped in with Britney Spears circa 2007. The Meltdown Years.
REALLY deep v-necks. Now, don't get me wrong.. I LOVE a plunging neckline. On my flatter chested sisters it's classy, and sexy. HOWEVER... I have big, real boobs, which means two things. One... Sagging. Real boobs don't just magically stay UP. Those shits weigh a lot. Two... gravitational pull. Low cut necklines work best when "the girls" stay separated. My boobs like to hang out riiiiight next to each other. They gravitate towards one another. They have separation anxiety.
Cap sleeves. THE WORST. Cap sleeves do not flatter ANYONE'S arms. NO ONE. Unless of course you are 11 years old, or so thin that your upper arm is the same diameter as your forearm. In which case... we are not friends.
So... why would I wear this you ask? Well.. because I kind of wanted to (in a... so nervous I almost peed down my leg kind of way). My Manfriend says this to me all of the time... "Babe... just stop. Someday you are going to be old, and you're body won't look like it does today... and THEN you will wish it did. Enjoy that shit.". So... I did, and guess what? I had fun that night. I didn't feel too self-conscious (although the 3 glasses of wine may have helped with that) and I stepped... NO... DOVE HEAD-FIRST out of my comfort zone, which is always a good thing. You only live once, right? And, as much as I hate to admit it, the Manfriend is right. Someday I am going to WISH that my boobs were this "low", my arms were this "fat", and my legs were this "thick".
I'm never going to be 6 feet tall, thin, or have perfect boobs... so EFF it.
Just wear the dress.