When Oceans Rise...

Shirt: Francesca's, Belt: Target, Skirt: Bebe, Shoes: Jessica Simpson, Bag: Aldo

 I wore this to work last week. An Army green textured skirt, a polka dot blouse (cinched with a leopard print belt), and matching leopard shoes. It makes no logical sense to throw all of that in one outfit, I realize that, but I was diggin' it nonetheless. 

I added that little tidbit about my outfit because this is a personal style blog, but I couldn't give less of a shit about clothing right now if I tried. 

Anyone who knows me could tell you that I am a pretty happy person. I mean, my corporate job pisses me off to no end some days, but other than that I am smiling 90% of the time and it is not forced or fake. Almost every single day I can find something to be truly happy about and grateful for. But man... the last couple of days have been rough. 

Have you ever felt incredibly overwhelmed by sadness, or felt crushed by the weight of devastating news? Had those times in your life when it seems like every time you turn around you are hearing something else that breaks your heart? 

Man... I'm going through that shit right now, and it is awful. 

I have a friend and co-worker who, in the last three weeks went from having a healthy, vivacious mom, to learning she has cancer, being with her non-stop through major surgeries, and ultimately had to make the decision to take her off life support. He is waiting for his mother to pass now and the pain he is going through has haunted me. To say that I am sad, or feel bad for him, is the understatement of the century. 

Other friends of mine, a brother and sister who I grew up with (and love so much) lost their beloved mother and then their grandfather (and family patriarch) just months apart. 

Two of my best friends have recently lost their babies (weeks and months) into their pregnancies.

Two of my sweet friends (sisters) unexpectedly lost their grandmother last week and they have been heart broken.

I found out 4 days ago that my beloved grandmother (who I adore, and who has supported me at every turn my entire life even when it felt like the whole world had something terrible to say about decisions I was making) has an aggressive form of lung cancer and that it has spread to her liver and spinal cord. We don't know what happens next, but I am physically ill thinking about it. I can burst into tears any moment just thinking of her in any kind of pain, my family so far away in NY, and my sweet mom who loves her so much and looks after her so tenderly.

And just tonight (it's 4am as I sit awake writing this) I learned that my friend, and Executive Director of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation of The Carolina's lost her battle to cancer. She was my age. She lit up every single room she walked into and dedicated her entire (all too short) life to helping others. She had a smile that beamed; she put every ounce of her time, energy, and talent into helping find a cure for Cystic Fibrosis, comforting families, honoring volunteers, and raising money for treatment and research. She was honestly, one of God's angels on this earth... doing His work. She walked the talk and lived the mission, living every single day to its fullest. 

I know that none of us know when it is "our time" and that anything could happen to any one of us in any given moment, but when it feels like everywhere you turn you are being inundated with sorrow, you can't help but think that love is really all there is and how important it is to express that love every opportunity you have. I have heard people say that they don't use the words "I love you" that often because it dilutes them. As if you can somehow "overuse" them. That's a crock of shit (in my opinion anyway).

Ask someone, in their last days, or when they are given a life altering diagnoses, or when they lose someone... if they ever regret telling them that they love them too often. Do you think anyone will say, "Man, I wish that I never said I love you that many times to my family, it really decreased the significance of the words". No. They will more than likely say the opposite. They will say that if they had to do it over again they would remind them every day.... make them feel special, chosen, and adored every damn day. That they would express gratitude more often than necessary, and take the time to just stop and hold them, every chance they got. How often in the middle of busy days and weeks do we forget to take the time to just stop... stand still... and just hold the people that we love; hug them in a way that everything else melts away, if only for a moment. Not nearly enough if you ask me. 

Life is precious, fragile, and far too short.  I'm sure you don't need a silly "personal style" blog to tell you that, but if you're anything like me, just maybe you could use a reminder. 

This is one of my favorite songs. It  is called, "Oceans". It has spoken to me more than ever lately and this is a beautiful acoustic version of it. It speaks of hope, trust, and faith. 

My hope is that if you need it, or know someone that does, that you will share it. Sometimes music picks up where our words fail.

"You've never failed and You won't start now. So I will call upon Your name and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise, my sould will rest in Your embrace. For I am Yours, and You are mine."

And... if you liked that version and want more. This is a 10-minute live version that brings me to tears.