|Skirt: Scout & Molly's, Sweater and Bag: Target, Shoes: Guess, Necklace: CeleneStones (15% off when you mention ModaFresca- email Krista to order/create your own- firstname.lastname@example.org)|
Hola! Happy mid-week.
This is what I wore to work on Monday. It wasn't quite warm enough for bare legs so I had major goosebumps all day. And let me tell you, the hair that rose from those bad boys was sharp enough to lacerate if brushed up against other unsuspecting skin. I guess I just want it to be summer so badly that I'm trying to will it into existence with poor outfit choices.
Wise people (or at least quotes on Pinterest) remind us that we shouldn't waste the present by focusing too much on the future...
...and while I would agree that can be a slippery slope, lately I can't seem to help it.
I spend most days of the workweek looking forward to the weekend, when my time is not dictated by meetings in my Outlook calendar or emails marked "important" by that (annoying) red exclamation point. And, while I am grateful for warmer temperatures I still spend every day under 60 waiting for summer; when (at least in NC) it rarely drops below 80. I am ready. Ready... and seriously wondering why I ever left teaching for a corporate job that does not recognize the importance of summer vacations.
And while I have not yet mastered NOT being able to focus on Fridays and summertime, I have gotten pretty damn good (if I do say so myself) at not "waiting" for happiness.
I've seen a lot of people around me lately bummed out and "waiting" to be happy. Waiting for a relationship, a new house, a different job, a child, to be engaged, to hit a career goal, make more money, reach a weight or fitness goal, be able to kick a bad habit, get over someone, etc. That kind of waiting gets dangerous. That kind of waiting puts you straight up in a shitty-ass life slump.
You know what I mean by "life slump", right? We've all been there. Those times in your life where you may seem okay on the outside, but you're self destructing on the inside? You're sedentary a lot more than you're active, you start to resent people around you who seem happy, you use humor to mask the fact that you hate yourself most of the time, and then you get upset because who are you to hate yourself when you have health, first world privilege, people in your life who love you, etc.???
Do you remember that bumper sticker from the 90's... "MEAN PEOPLE SUCK." I happen to think that mean people are just people who are really unhappy. I have never met a genuinely happy person who is mean. I don't think the two can exist in the same being. They are diametrically opposed.
I tend to write about "happiness" a lot, and I think that's because it hits me in the face all the time (or at least whenever I have meaningful conversations with people). And of course it is easy to say "be happy" and another thing entirely to genuinely feel that way. I think it's really important though to not be miserable.
Why? Because, life is short, and someday (God willing) we are all going to be old. Then we will realize that we wasted many of our best days/months/years "sweating the small stuff" and we may have regrets and think... "Damn... if I had it to do all over again, I would have made happiness a real priority." I don't know about you, but being in a foul, negative mood most of the time sucks. No one wants to be that person, and very few people want to be around that type of person.
I don't know what will work for you if you're feeling this way, but I'll tell you what has worked for me in the past.
1. Stop playing the victim and please, stop complaining so damn much.
2. Stop being around people who play the victim all the time. All that "woe-is-me" stuff is for the birds. Stop for a second and realize just how good you really have it and hush. (If you're on social media and you feel bombarded by other people's complaining, unfollow that shit. You don't have to let other people's constant whining bring you down.)
3. Try doing a lot of different things out to see if any of them bring you joy. You could try out different hobbies like different forms of exercise, writing, reading, taking pictures, creating music, cooking, whatever. There are countless things to do, and if you think you're too busy to do something that brings you joy, just ask the people around you if they prefer you miserable and present 100% of the time, or happy, and taking a few hours here and there for yourself. You've got to sharpen your own saw, as they say. Find something you love.
4. Gratitude. As your day is winding down, or you are lying in bed, think..."What if tomorrow, I only woke up with what I remembered to thank God (or the Universe... whatever you believe in) for the night before?" Then silently in your head start listing people, things, privilages, blessings that you want to make sure are still in your life the next day. You can do this with big things all the way down to the teeniest, tiniest things. It's a pretty great way to end the day and helps you remember just how much you have in your life that you cherish.
5. Be realistic. Most meaningful change does not happen quickly.
6. Stop with the "what-ifs". You are where you are in your life right now, at this moment. You have ZERO control over the past, but you can work to shape your future.
7. Don't pin your happiness on someone else. It's not up to your kids, partner, spouse, boss, ex, or your friends to "make" you happy. It's not their responsibility.
8. Spend time around people who want to see you succeed. Not those who prefer you stay depressed, sad, overweight and/or unhealthy. Misery loves company.
9. Don't compare. Fact: Bad things happen to EVERYONE (whether you know about them or not). Being broke, sick, in debt, broken up with, heartbroken, gaining weight, having a miscarriage, being depressed, losing someone you love, losing a job, unplanned pregnancies, abuse, unplanned divorces, unable to get pregnant, having a shitty job, being fired, having a child who makes bad decisions or treats you like shit, being lonely, and feeling scared. All of this stuff is part of life and it will pass. I promise. Some pain never goes all the way away, but if you live in it every single day, there is no hope of it lessening. And naturally, with time, it will lessen if you let it. Don't ever look at someone and think that they don't know pain. We all know pain.
10. Try to figure out if you are in a slump, or genuinely depressed. If it's the latter, get some help for yourself so you can start to feel better and enjoy this one, precious life you are given.
This rant was inspired by a conversation I had very recently. If it didn't apply to you at all, I'm sorry you wasted your time reading it. But, if it hit home at all... you're not alone, we've all been there. Start with small changes and... start now.
"You have the match!"