|Pants: Express, Shoes: Guess, Shirt: Vestique, Jacket and Bag: Target|
I don't spend a ton of time thinking about the past.
I'd much rather think about the present and the future than get lost in things that have already happened. I keep the good stuff (great memories, old friends, etc.) and leave the rest of the bullshit right where it belongs... behind me.
I wasn't always able to do this effectively, but I have found that the more I concern myself with the here and now the less time I waste carrying around old baggage. When I am busy setting goals, meeting new people, learning, collecting new experiences, and/or trying something for the first time, I have much less time to get lost in the archives of my life.
I have found that looking ahead versus looking behind has served me quite well. It has allowed me to forgive, move on, turn the page, start over, rebuild, and focus not only on building a life I love, but creating myself.
One of my favorite quotes says:
"Life is not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself."
I keep that quote on my fridge and at my office.
The minute I started to really believe that, that I could "create" myself, everything changed for me.
I understood that I could move away from situations and people that did not serve me. I could grow. Change. Start over. It's not easy, but I think the trick is that you have to want what is on the other side MORE than you want to stay in the familiar. Because even when something is uncomfortable (ie: being broke, miserable in a relationship, out of shape, etc.) it is familiar.
I am in a gym setting every day teaching Bootcamp and Pilates/PiYo. Lately I have found myself in the middle of a lot of conversations that center around physical transformation. What I have noticed is that many people have a microwave mentality. That's what I call it when people expect dramatic change, lightening fast, with little effort.
Are you sick and tired of being out of shape, not being confident, and being miserable but you're pressed for time and you love food? Well... no shit. Most human beings are busy and most of us really love food.
News flash: You don't "own" busy and you don't "love" good food more than anyone else does. << I know for damn sure you don't love it more than me.>>
If you want long term change, you have to put in long term effort and nothing that happened to you in your past gives you an excuse to give up on your future self. So you made some poor decisions. We all have. If you allow yourself to live in the past, your future is going to look exactly the same.
So what's the difference between you and the person who transforms themselves? In my opinion it boils down to two things: Vision & Realistic Expectations. You have to be able to "see" yourself on the other side of whatever it is you truly want (vision), and you have to understand that failure is not the opposite of success, it is part of success (realism).
Did you let that sink in? Failure is not the opposite of success, it is part of success.
No one in the history of the human race has done anything worth a damn without facing adversity. Sometimes I think adversity is put in our lives to test us... to see how bad we really want to reach our goals. Victory is sweet, but you have to be willing to work damn hard to get it.
You're going to fall. You're going to gain weight back. You're going to get pissed, sad, heartbroken, discouraged, lonely, bored. You're going to get tired. You're going to give up. You are a human being. When those things happen, view them as temporary. They are minor setbacks. Don't get mad at yourself then throw your hands up and give up. Get your shit (back) together and keep it moving.
It's easier to wish for change then it is to get up every day and recommit to it. But... there is no other way. There is no easy path, quick fix, or magic potion. And I'm not just talking about changing your body. I'm talking about any major life change. It's going to be terrifying, it's going to suck sometimes. It's going to be WAY easier to go back, but don't. Setbacks are not permanent. We are given a new chance to start again Every.Single.Day. What an amazing thought.
You don't need a new year, you don't need a new month, week, or a Monday. Stop waiting for perfect conditions. There aren't any. Get off your ass. Make a plan. If you don't like your life, change it. Not all of it, and not all at once, but do it... little pieces at a time.